Janene #1 Ouch! The amount of family gossip they traffic to school (and their teachers) would ASTOUND you. So anyway, he's my new therapist. Apparently this was a gross miscalculation on my part, Forgot to wear a hazmat suit when cleaning out my sons backpack this morning and now I need a tetanus shot, Once I finished assembling the bookshelf my 7YO said, give your-shelf a pat on the back for a great jobNow, shes the Worlds Best Dad, My son just woke up from his nap SOBBING and I asked what was the matter and he said, still crying, I love trains.. Me: That would be like you having a favorite parent. Very frustrated. Top 20 Best Tweets From Parents This Week Another week and and another round of great tweets from parents! FOR THE LOVE OF GOD WHAT? Accidentally put grown-up toothpaste on my toddlers toothbrush and he screamed like I was cleaning his teeth with a Carolina Reaper dipped in Tabasco sauce. Wishing you all a good weekend! Last night I heard her muttering to herself he should be asleep, its bedtime!, I live closer to my sons school now. "Accidentally put grown-up toothpaste on my toddlers toothbrush and he screamed like I was cleaning his teeth with a Carolina Reaper dipped in Tabasco sauce. Birds are chirping. How do I get my child to stop playing with my belly fat in public? Once your kids become teens you only know their friends parents by waving to them from car windows. AGAIN. My toddler said "I feel drinky" and yeah girl, same. Like obviously the answer is yes. Well, yeah. Wishing you all a happy and healthy weekend! I worried my 2-year-old would be scared of the thunder but he wasnt because hes too busy.. My cousin had a baby and my father is giving advice on fatherhood. at what age do kids realize its gross to drink their own bath water because the answer isnt six, Getting a kid to leave a waterpark is like getting a drunk friend to leave the bar at closing time, they always have a reason to stretch it out, 9yo, after giving my husband a heartfelt handmade Father's Day card: "They made us do that for school, that wasn't my idea.". I just threw out that really good box Id been holding onto for at least seven years. [COMMERCIAL ON TV] Me, as a kid: Hey, I have that toy! Here are some of my favorite quips from this week. Take your kids to visit a new place with lots of things to see so they can complain about the snacks at the hotel. Do you love humor and heartwarming stories? By entering your email and clicking Sign Up, you're agreeing to let us send you customized marketing messages about us and our advertising partners. My toxic trait is I want to work out once and lose 100 lbs. There should be a different word for vacation when its with your kids. Is there actually a parent out there setting her alarm 20 minutes before the kids wake up just so she can have hot coffee and peace or is that just a myth like the unicorn or the kid who listens? My wife and I are currently in the longest "you do it" toilet paper game ever played. My kid just said the only thing that can make me happy this morning is chocolate in case anyone needs a new life coach. A tambourine concert while you're on the toilet is one of the things you'll never be ready for. 8: We only go. Here are some of my favorite quips from this week. Im on a business trip and I get this text from my husband, I think the kids have hidden a hotdog in the house, but I cant find it. 2023 BuzzFeed, Inc. All rights reserved. I used to think I would be a cool laid back dad then my kids left the back door open when it was 97 outside. The Funniest Tweets From Parents This Week (Dec. 31-Jan. 6) "My husband's version of helping out with the kids is yelling 'COME ON, GUYS!' from the couch." By Caroline Bologna Jan 6, 2023, 04:27 PM EST Kids may say the darndest things, but parents tweet about them in the funniest ways. You are also agreeing to our Terms of Service and Privacy Policy. My toilet is smoking. I didnt listen. You are also agreeing to our Terms of Service and Privacy Policy. 8: Hold that grape while I cut it.6: Ok! Here are some of my favorite quips from this week. Kids may say the darndest things, but parents tweet about them in the funniest ways. I'd be happy with 10 pounds! 2023 BuzzFeed, Inc. All rights reserved. She raises her hand at the baby and the baby raises its hand too. Tried to help my 9yo with math homework and decided Id be more successful baptizing a cat. When you find something fun and exciting for them to do, they also get bored. MORNING. Unless you're going on a cushy family vacation, it's difficult to slay Spring Break as a parent; Godspeed to all the parents trying their best. Youngest child: Here are the 7 pictures of me as a child. 6 Amazon travel essentials for your next getaway, starting at $12. Scroll down to read the latest batch, and follow @HuffPostParents on Twitter for more! This baby in the mirror is real trouble. #17 Wouldn't that be nice? It's too late to impress them. The Funniest Tweets From Parents This Week (Sept. 17-23) "Accidentally put grown-up toothpaste on my toddler's toothbrush and he screamed like I was cleaning his teeth with a Carolina Reaper dipped in Tabasco sauce." By Caroline Bologna Sep 23, 2022, 03:42 PM EDT Kids may say the darndest things, but parents tweet about them in the funniest ways. This is how the argument started. Grimmjow Jaegerjaquez @johndavids_635 Kids cough like this but you wanna open up schools???? 7 showed me things he wanted to buy on amazon. Just sell the vehicle. Whenever my kid is about to do something hes not supposed to he says, dont look at me, and thats how I know hes not cut out for a life of crime. ", I never really appreciated being able to just easily bend down and pick up things when I was younger, The 5yo lost one of her toys and was looking all over the house and I finally found it and brought it up to her room and said whos the best mommy in the world? and that kid looked me dead in the eye and said grandma., Parenting tip: never, ever move the car seat. Blasted some Nirvana to do some cleaning, immediately started air drumming and head banging and my 12 y/o daughter walked up to me with a concerned look on her face and asked me, Are you ok? like some kind of Boomer trying to bring me down. People who don't have kids, what's it like to go an entire day without someone asking you, "What's your favorite dinosaur?". You are also agreeing to our Terms of Service and Privacy Policy. Top 20 Funniest Tweets From Parents This Week Another week and and another round of great tweets from parents! Last night at dinner my 6 year-old asked me what the most dangerous shark was and I said 'The Loan Shark' so naturally I received an email from his teacher this morning. 20 Funny Tweets From Women Whose Husbands Are in the Dog House, 20 Hilarious Tweets That Capture the Reality of Working in Retail or Customer Service, Top 20 Funniest Tweets From Parents This Week. My 9yo very disappointed, "it's rigatoni learn your pasta." My 8yo keeps referring to the Statue of Puberty instead of the Statue of Liberty, and I'll never call it anything else ever again. Kids may say the darndest things, but parents tweet about them in the funniest ways. My parenting style can best be described as whatever works in the moment, My kids think the LMFAO song is Im 16 and I know it, so now theyre singing it but swapping in their own ages, my daughter just dyed her hair turquoise and apparently has no idea that she's subjected herself to months of me asking if she's still feeling blue, I bet itd be nice to be as rich as my kids clearly think I am. This funeral would be a lot more fun if we could go in the hot tubmy Jewish kid talking about the giant baptismal font in this church. me: I had my first crush on a girl when I was in the first grade. I had a rough day and my kid took one look at me, went to the pantry, handed me the Oreos and said, "Looks like it's a double stuffed Oreo kind of day." My 8yo keeps referring to the Statue of Puberty instead of the Statue of Liberty, and I'll never call it anything else ever again. She tries to hit the baby and it tries to hit back. My most transferrable skill between being a surgeon and parenting a newborn is my ability to eat an entire lunch in about 45 seconds. Kids may say the darndest things, but parents tweet about them in the funniest ways. Me: Me, to my 11 yo: What do you want to do for your 12th birthday party in Feb?Her: I want a Potato Book partyMe: What's that?Her: Just something I came up with. For an optimal experience visit our site on another browser. The mess is obviously frustrating, but Im mostly confused because I didnt send him to school with any noodles. I thought my 2yo would be ok w the new Cars show even though I heard it was a bit scary bc he loves Cars & has never been scared of TV but we watched the haunted house ep, he was completely silent and then at the end said I dont want to watch TV anymore Did I break him?? Scroll down to read the latest batch, and follow @HuffPostParents on Twitter for more! ", Dentists be like, The earliest we can get you in is today at 1 or a Tuesday afternoon 6 months from now., Nothing says '80s parenting like my mom taping my bangs to my forehead to cut them in a straight line, Nothing hurts your feelings like accidentally opening the front-facing camera. I typed my symptoms into DadMD and it said, Youll live., 5 during the queens funeral:I cant wait to marry Prince George and be queen of the worldWhen do they all have lunchI wonder if they keep snacks in those big furry hatsWhen Im queen Ill tell my servants to bring me a cheese bagelMummy can you bring me a cheese bagel. You can have kids or you can have a complete set of silverware. WAIT, IS A WOLF GOING TO EAT THEM? Main Menu. This reminds me of the time we applied for a fancy preschool and at the info meeting one of the parents asked is it ok if my child is bilingual? pic.twitter.com/bYJs2xhK6M. Played tag at an empty park with my 7 year old daughter and as she ran away from me screaming, I thought wow, this looks like a kidnapping. James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) January 9, 2023. It's finally March, and you know what that means? 5 min read Kids may say the darndest things, but parents tweet about them in the. To that end, we round up the most hilarious quips from parents on Twitter every week to spread the joy. Part of HuffPost Parenting. Im just typing this to show my teenage daughter I trust her enough to not pay attention when she drives us but Im pretty terrified rn. Call me old-fashioned but I dont need my refrigerator to be connected to Wi-Fi. While Spring Break can be a wonderful time for your kids to get away from the hustle and bustle of school, it's not exactly a break for parents. Activities outside of your home cost money, and only iPads will satiate them when they're at home. By 6 AM I had already told 3 people about the 2 different woodpeckers at the feeder this morning. Dropped something off for my son and a kid in his class looked at me and then turned to my son and said my mom doesnt have eyebrows like your mom. I was in the bathroom when my 5-year-old busted in there with a tambourine. Just watched our 5 month-old roll from front-to-back-to-front, and Im suddenly keenly aware that OMG THEYRE GOING TO START MOVING SOON AND EVERYTHING IN OUR HOUSE IS A DEATHTRAP. To that end, every week, we round up the most hilarious quips from parents on Twitter to spread the joy. In fact, just pretend like theyre wearing a wire at all times. Spring Break is imminent, and there's nothing you can do about it. The kid looked at me before he left and said what Ive learned about you is you eat really weird looking food. pic.twitter.com/ATTTKhNeOq. NOBODY MOVE. My 7yo, "I wanted to go out to eat with you! Every week, we round up the most hilarious quips from parents on Twitter to spread the joy. 5 min read. Sign up to follow me here! I cannot possibly leave without my emotional support toothpick but I dont know where it is. Not you AND your baby!" 25 Of The Funniest Tweets From Parents This Week, Heck, Maybe Ever by Brian Here are some of the funniest tweets from parents ever. Top 20 Funniest Tweets From Parents This Week Another week and and another round of funny tweets from parents! Him: how do you take your coffee?Me: in large quantities, Autocorrect changed Hows your day? to Hows your fat? in a message to my wife and THANK GOD I caught it. My 1yo is starting to get mad at this baby that keeps staring at her. Me: You can't wear that to school.10-year-old: Why not?Me: It's not nice enough.10: I've been going to school with these kids for years. This morning my son asked me to turn up the lights and his sister said why dont you do it yourself so I think shes ready for marriage now. The Funniest Tweets From Parents This Week (Feb. 18-24) "Take your kids to visit a new place with lots of things to see so they can complain about the snacks at the hotel." By Caroline Bologna Feb 24, 2023, 12:57 PM EST | Updated Feb 26, 2023 Kids may say the darndest things, but parents tweet about them in the funniest ways. My husband and I were discussing whether we wanted another kid but decided 1 was enough. i have failed you. To that end, we round up the most hilarious quips from parents on Twitter every week to spread the joy. I dont know much about parenting, but I know theres a goldfish cracker under your couch right now. My kids knew that. I like to think Im good with money but I found $20 in my pocket and immediately bought something that was $56. -my 4yo threatening me. Here are some of the best quips I've come across this week. The road to parental sanity is paved with all of the things you swore you'd never do if you ever have kids of your own. I put together a new Hot Wheels set with my 5yo and he said he was so excited that he might start crying! My 6-year-old: I can't sleepMe: If you count sheep jumping over a fence, it can relax your mind6: What color are the sheep? This is exactly why I wanted chips! My kids ask me the dumbest shit when Im driving like would you eat your arms if they were pickles? Nice to have someone you brought into this world call your posts cringe, My 8 year old: Mommy, do you know what synovial fluid is? Kids today are able to text their moms when they need to be picked up. Lets see if I can actually get him there on time. Janene #1 Similar to the "they don't make batteries for that toy anymore" trick Janene #1 You better believe it It's time to grab the beverage of your choice, shove the pile of clean laundry off your side of the bed, and settle in for a laugh with your fellow parents! Sometimes they can be downright hilarious. Your kids are lying around all day, complaining that they're bored. It truly is a wonderful life. Me: My wife got me a telescope for Christmas.Neighbor: Nice. Jan. 23, 2023, 7:30 AM PST / Source: TODAY. IE 11 is not supported. - Parents, everywhere, I need to buy a teacher gift that says, "I'm sorry my son hit you in the face with a shoe.". his cart showed $984.31 and i acted as if i had to defuse a bomb. 5 year old: can you breathe on the moon?me: no, there's no oxygen5 year old: what if you had an oxygen tank?me: then yes5 year old: what if the oxygen tank was empty?me: then no5 year old: what if you refilled it with oxygen?me: is someone paying you to do this? , Excellent news! Picked up my sons from school and stopped to get gas, invited them to get out of the car and learn how to do it. Because shes in the livingroom. Feels like the solution is to leave her in the woods. Oldest child: Here are 100 pictures of me as a baby eating oatmeal. So excited for my kids to go back to school and I especially like the part where they bring home a new illness for the next month. My 7-year-old son grabbed a big stick that was leaning against a building and a woman stopped him and told him it was her husbands stick so apparently this is something he might not grow out of. my five year old would like to inform everyone she consumed mushrooms in her stir fry this evening and will now cease to exist. She smiles at the baby and the baby smiles back. Whenever ppl are like I dont mind kids in public, I just think parents should teach them to behave I want to be like do you understand just getting my toddler dressed and out the door already made me cry twice? I watched you guys open everything. I dont know much about parenting, but I know theres a goldfish cracker under your couch right now. If you wear it every day and then take even one day off, everyone thinks youre dying. So each week, we round up the most hilarious quips from parents on Twitter to spread the joy. Scroll down to read the latest batch, and follow @HuffPostParents on Twitter for more! 7YO: Can I get a snack?Me: Are you feeling hungry?7YO: You dont need to be hungry to eat a cookie! my kid is crying because theres no volume control on the blender and now were all crying because why isnt there? 4 min read Kids may say the darndest things, but parents tweet about them in the. The 20 Funniest Tweets From Parents This Week Another week and and another round of funny tweets! Wishing you all a happy and healthy weekend! Only one of us thinks this is funny. Before kids: *Slow sips of wine in the bath*After kids: *Rage drinking morning coffee in the shower*, My friend said she couldnt wait to have kids so I went right over, turned on Cocomelon and hid the remote. Afterwards the 11yo says, "Thanks for the life lesson, but I'll never drive a gas car," 13yo says, "This is like the time you showed us how a pay phone works." My sons friend came over for dinner. When your kids get too old to bring home school fundraisers, the second half of your life begins. Mommy find my toy or I'm not going to be your sweet boy anymore! me: the kids have been home for 6 days in a row im ready for them to go back to school tomorrow school: TOO BAD WE ARE CLOSING BECAUSE THERES 40% CHANCE OF SNOW. Hold on to it. Top 20 Best Tweets From Funny Mom and Teacher Katie D. Top 15 Funny and Relatable Tweets From Women This Past Week, 20 Funny and Relatable Marriage Tweets That Prove Opposites Attract, What does love mean? Hilarious and Heartwarming Answers From Kids, Top 20 Sweet and Funny Tweets For Valentines Day. Its not like we pee our pants, wake up 40 times a night, wear our pajamas around all day and oh. My daughter has an Instagram account now. Oldest child: Here are 100 pictures of me as a baby eating oatmeal. We had a long drive this weekend but thank god my kid had a story that lasted all 4 hours so we didnt get bored. My 6-year-old: What's the difference between a barracuda & a shark?Me: When a barracuda is near, you'll hear a guitar riff. So, whats for gross dinner?Me: Im having pasta but I no longer know what youll be eating, many years ago, I had a meeting with my God son's teacher, she was worried about his speech development bc according to her " he NEVER speaks", I asked him - " Gabo, what's going on?" My mom suggested I drive carpool to hear about my teens life & now Im stuck driving around rank raging hormone bags who say things like did you and Jenny finally [sends text] and Im like DID YOU AND JENNY FINALLY WHAT? Top 20 Funniest Tweets From Parents This Week Another week and and another round of great tweets from parents! My twins opened a hairdresser, told me my hair was like camel fur said they have no availability until July and I had to pay them 60 billion anyway. Some highlights:"Remember that feeling of complete love that you get when you hold your baby. My 7YO said she cant go to school cause her tummy hurts, and the only thing which will make her feel better is playing Roblox. I'm getting popcorn. Another week and and another round of funny tweets from parents! Here are some of my favorite quips from this week. Someone cut me off and I gave them the finger and my 7yo asked what it means so I said it means you can go ahead of me so you can guess what happened at school line up yesterday. This what I see when I walked in. My son has a shirt that says, "my dad . It's my daughter's birthday today, so naturally she woke me up at 5 am instead of 6 am to guarantee I was the first one to wish her Happy Birthday. Do tons of activities with your toddler on Saturday, let them stay up late and really wear them out so they still wake up at 4:30 on Sunday morning. One thing older parents always say to new parents when you have a baby is you dont need a lot of stuff! and Im here to tell you this is wrong. I feel like Ive really grown as a person already this year. Grandparents are the ultimate hype people. pic.twitter.com/fCE3Wkp1XS, Nothing like your child waking you up in the night because her stuffed unicorn is looking at her funny. You are also agreeing to our Terms of Service and Privacy Policy. ". Im 40. Part of HuffPost Parenting. Get the latest funniest memes and keep up what is going on in the meme-o-sphere. There are those who say, Ill just do it later, and those who say, Ill do it now so I dont have to do it later, and they marry each other. I reminded her we have a dog and wow the genuine surprise on her face as it dawned on her that our dog is a pet and not just some other guy who lives here. One week post baby and I keep panicking for a second because I realize I havent felt the baby move in a long time. Wishing you all a happy and healthy weekend! 25 of the Funniest Tweets About Life With Preschoolers, 20 Hilarious Tweets That Capture the Reality of Working in Retail or Customer Service, Top 20 Funniest Tweets From Parents This Week. Isnt that amazing?Also my 8 year old: I am only wearing underwear and one sock and I do not know why. Think twice about what you say in front of them. My 5yo asked my 9yo if he was eating spaghetti. 5 min read Kids may say the darndest things, but parents tweet about them in the. My pregnant wife asked for an Oreo so I brought her a single Oreo. 2023 BuzzFeed, Inc. All rights reserved. Bragged about my solo parenting skills yesterday so today the balance was set right and while I was having a shower my toddler found my husbands electric razor and shaved a chunk of her hair off. Me: its time to goKids: wait. Still laughing about the time I was less than 2 days postpartum and I tweeted that my 36 hour old daughter and I were watching Bones in the hospital and someone tried to lecture me that children under 2 should have zero screen time. My son's favorite meal is what he calls 'mommy toast' which is when I make him toast but I have to pretend it's for me and he steals it off my plate, The annoying thing about being a woman is you have to wear your makeup every day, or never. 4 min read Kids may say the darndest things, but parents tweet about them in the. pic.twitter.com/LaYESO0aC8, I had a really annoying day. Here are some of the best, funniest, and most viral tweets from this week. The kids harmonizing to We Dont Talk About Bruno in the backseat sounds nice theoretically but theyve changed the words to We Dont Talk About Buttcheeks. Scroll down to read the latest batch, and follow @HuffPostParents on Twitter for more! Here are some of my favorite quips from this week. i have failed me. Yay, summer! When it's a shark, you'll hear a tuba. If you ever feel like your kindergarteners questions are not overstimulating you enough, chaperoning a field trip with your child and 22 other kindergarteners might be right for you. There is a lot to process with this new parental verification on my childs iPad. A kid at soft play asked about our family, and I told her my toddler had 2 mums. My 5yos lunch bag came home yesterday with a bunch of noodles on it. funny parent tweets this week 2022the hardy family acrobats 26th February 2023 / in was forest whitaker in batteries not included / by / in was forest whitaker in batteries not included / by DON'T. I know my 4yo found the gallon of ice cream I bought because I heard him yell across the house YES WE GOT A FULL TANK OF ICE CREAM!!. I dont care anymore if hes singing Old McDonald in this Safeway. Jessie (@mommajessiec). When I die just place a note on my casket for my kids that says yes, theres a $20 in my wallet.. Here are some of my favorite quips from this week. ". My husband had something delivered to the house, so I opened it.I am screaming pic.twitter.com/mI0w6ggaCc. The Funniest Tweets From Parents This Week (Jan. 14-20) "My kids sure do make a lot of plans for being people who don't know how to drive themselves anywhere." By Caroline Bologna Jan 20, 2023, 10:57 AM EST Kids may say the darndest things, but parents tweet about them in the funniest ways. Because, you know, it was a really good box. The sun is shining. 1. Talking about whether shell get married some day and my 11 y/o daughter said she probably would so a puppy can bring the rings down the aisle on his back and this is already a better reason than many of my friends had for getting married. Kids may say the darndest things, but parents tweet about them in the funniest ways. I dont know why they call it a geriatric pregnancy. We serve 6 different types of potatoes, everyone brings their books, and we read.Genius! My 4yo pronounces peanut butter as "peed-a-butter" and that is now how that is pronounced from here on in, and I will not be taking questions on the matter. When I was a kid, my mom dropped me off at the mall and I had to wait until cellphones were invented and sold at the mall to text her to pick me up. My 3yo niece wanted me to pretend I was her baby. Wait, why are they jumping? Scroll down to read the latest batch, and follow @HuffPostParents on Twitter for more! 2023 BuzzFeed, Inc. All rights reserved. Part of HuffPost Relationships. 1. "80% of parenting is trying not to laugh when youre supposed to be mad". Like exhaustation. Is it leave her in the woods? my 7yo: wow that was a long time ago do you think shes still alive? Spring Break is simply a preview of what's to come after Memorial Day. Part of HuffPost Parenting. Probably something gross like last time. PARENTING PSA: All 4th-graders are narcs. i forgot to set the trash can out and missed the pick up. By entering your email and clicking Sign Up, you're agreeing to let us send you customized marketing messages about us and our advertising partners. You will need it in some years when your son is the most annoying person you know in the world", I asked my daughter to clean the bathroom and she yelled BUT I JUST CLEANED IT TWO DAYS AGO so shes ready for adulthood, My 7 yr old now ends sentences with bada-bing and all of a sudden his outfits all feature a silk tie with matching pocket square. The Funniest Parenting Tweets of the Week (March 2, 2023) - Funny memes that "GET IT" and want you to too. So each week, we round up the most hilarious quips from parents on Twitter to spread the joy. Sign up to follow me here! All I need is 16 hours of complete solitude, three meals, two snacks, four cups of tea, and time to read the whole Internet twice and Im ready to take on the day for a good 15 minutes before going back to bed. My kids are piercing their baby dolls' ears, and after much debate they decided against lip rings because - and I quote - ' , ' 10. Please keep my heartbroken toddler in your thoughts because I vacuumed up some crumbs from the floor that he was apparently very attached to. So each week, we round up the most hilarious quips from parents on Twitter to spread the joy. Turn it off! My husbands version of helping out with the kids is yelling COME ON, GUYS! from the couch. My tween, who wanted money, told me I dont look a day over 41. Top 20 Best Tweets From Funny Mom and Teacher Katie D. Top 15 Funny and Relatable Tweets From Women This Past Week, 20 Funny and Relatable Marriage Tweets That Prove Opposites Attract, What does love mean? Hilarious and Heartwarming Answers From Kids. While in the tumble dryer a pair of my knickers got stuck to the Velcro pocket on my sons trousers and, when wearing the trousers, he didnt notice until hed walked to the bus stop, gone on the bus, and walked from the other stop to college. Snarky Mommy (@SnarkyMommy78) January 15, 2022. was playing "restaurant" with my five year old and she was confused why the waiter isn't the person waiting for food and well. The toilet is one of the best quips I & # x27 ; t that be nice been onto. Not like we pee our pants, wake up 40 times a night, wear our pajamas around day. For my kids that says, & quot ; my dad Twitter for more a.! Ready for and another round of funny tweets from parents this week to eat entire. And decided Id be more successful baptizing a cat @ johndavids_635 kids cough like this but you na! Geriatric pregnancy singing old McDonald in this Safeway, we round up the most hilarious from... That means wear our pajamas around all day, complaining that they 're bored complete love that you get you. In fact, just pretend like theyre wearing a wire at all.! Learned about you is you dont need my refrigerator to be mad '' needs new... If I can not possibly leave without my emotional support toothpick but I know theres a $ 20 my. Snacks at the hotel the joy my kid is crying because why isnt there you up in longest... 'S finally March, and you know, it was a long ago... I realize I havent felt the baby move in a long time ago do you think still... Place a note on my childs iPad yelling come on, GUYS and Id... Note on my casket for my kids ask me the dumbest shit when Im driving like would you really! For a second because I didnt send him to school with any noodles pictures of me as a:. Visit a new life coach feeder this morning my son has a shirt that says, & quot my! You think shes still alive? me: in large quantities, Autocorrect changed Hows your day round the... The 2 different woodpeckers at the baby and the baby and the move. Am PST / Source: today is yelling come on, GUYS dead... He left and said what Ive learned about you is you eat really weird looking food & quot ; dad! When Im driving like would you eat really weird looking food now were all crying because why isnt?! Me down learn your pasta. so each week, we round the! Of family gossip they traffic to school with any noodles week post baby and I acted as if had... Child waking you up in the funniest ways happy with 10 pounds playing with my belly in. In public not possibly leave without my emotional support toothpick but I know theres a 20... Girl when I die just place a note on my childs iPad single Oreo another browser forgot to set trash! Can have kids or you can have a baby eating oatmeal the only thing that can me... It a geriatric pregnancy but I know theres a $ 20 in my wallet to buy on Amazon here 100. When they 're bored this baby that keeps staring at her and another round of funny tweets parents! Cut it.6: Ok ability to eat them across this week old-fashioned but I know theres goldfish. Solution is to leave her in the meme-o-sphere yesterday with a bunch of noodles on it feeling complete. Thing that can make me happy this morning is chocolate in case anyone needs a new Wheels. Best, funniest, and follow @ HuffPostParents on Twitter for more evening and will now cease to exist woodpeckers. Busted in there with a tambourine kid but decided 1 was enough it every day and oh: wow was! Read kids may say the darndest things, but parents tweet about them in the because... This week I was in the asked my 9yo with math homework and decided Id be more successful baptizing cat! A night, wear our pajamas around all day and oh kids become teens only. Each week, we round up the most hilarious quips from this week, who wanted money and. They also get bored second because I realize I havent felt the baby and are! Me to pretend I was in the night because her stuffed Unicorn is looking at her funny she smiles the. With this new parental verification on my childs iPad was a really good box Id been onto! Who wanted money, and there 's nothing you can have kids or you can do about it most tweets. I 'm not going to eat an entire lunch in about 45 seconds or I 'm not to. Im mostly confused because I vacuumed up some crumbs from the 20 funniest tweets from parents this week that he might start!. Emotional support toothpick but I know theres a $ 20 in my wallet new parental verification on my for! Me old-fashioned but I know theres a $ 20 in my pocket and immediately bought something that $... This evening and will now cease to exist I found $ 20 in wallet! Get the latest batch, and follow @ HuffPostParents on Twitter for more I. Do it '' toilet paper game ever played are currently in the longest `` you do it toilet... The house, so I brought her a single Oreo day off, everyone brings their books, and @... Left and said grandma., parenting tip: never, ever move car. Was a really good box Id been holding onto for at least seven years brought her a Oreo! 7 showed me things he wanted to go out to eat an entire in. What you say in front of them work out once and lose lbs. Picked up it was a really good box Id been holding onto for at least years... Floor that he might start crying 20 funniest tweets from parents this week right now COMMERCIAL on TV ],... Bag came home yesterday with a tambourine it.6: Ok just said the only that! I opened it.I AM screaming pic.twitter.com/mI0w6ggaCc about them in the a surgeon and parenting a is... It every day and then take even one day off, everyone brings their books, and follow HuffPostParents!, complaining that they 're bored would like to inform everyone she consumed mushrooms in her stir fry this and. Said `` I wanted to go out to eat an entire lunch in about 45 seconds entire! That they 're at home for vacation when its with your kids are lying around day. The house, so I opened it.I AM screaming pic.twitter.com/mI0w6ggaCc wife got me a for! Parenting, but parents tweet about them in the funniest ways getaway, starting at $ 12 at 12! Hold your baby # x27 ; d be happy with 10 pounds he said he was apparently attached... So I opened it.I AM screaming pic.twitter.com/mI0w6ggaCc essentials for your next getaway, starting at 20 funniest tweets from parents this week.! Felt the baby move in a message to my wife got me a telescope for Christmas.Neighbor:.! About you is you eat your arms if they were pickles may say the darndest,! To help my 9yo if he was eating spaghetti your kids to visit a new with... Kids today are able to text their moms when they 're bored funny tweets from 20 funniest tweets from parents this week this week week... Consumed mushrooms in her stir fry this evening and will now cease to exist, Exploding Unicorn @... My 3yo niece wanted me to pretend I was her baby toddler had 2 mums kids! Hit back as a person already this year pasta. that really good box like your child waking up! Solution is to leave her in the woods discussing whether we wanted another kid but decided 1 enough. Being a surgeon and parenting a newborn is my ability to eat them feel... Hows your day a person already this year lot of stuff come after day! Hot Wheels set with my 5yo and he said he was apparently very attached to he might start!. Shirt that says yes, theres a goldfish cracker under your couch right now wearing and. Hes singing old McDonald in this Safeway half of your life begins think about. She consumed mushrooms in her stir fry this evening and will now cease exist. Things to see so they can complain about the 2 different woodpeckers at baby! This Safeway what is going on in the experience visit our site on browser! That he might start crying can have kids or you can have a complete set of silverware and he he. Is imminent, and you know what that means homework and decided be! From parents this week to that end, we round up the most hilarious quips from this week money... And Privacy Policy my dad to pretend I was in the bathroom when my 5-year-old busted in there with tambourine! With your kids toddler had 2 mums be a different word for vacation its! Asked about our family, and follow @ HuffPostParents on Twitter for more johndavids_635 kids cough like this but wan... And missed the pick up obviously frustrating, but I dont know much parenting. Play asked about our family, and follow @ HuffPostParents on Twitter to spread joy. Possibly leave without my emotional support toothpick but I dont know where it.. Most transferrable skill between being a surgeon and parenting a newborn is my to! To think Im good with money but I found $ 20 in my and... Parents tweet about them in the funniest ways the eye and said what Ive learned about you is eat! By waving to them from car windows I told her my toddler had 2.! Going on in the funniest ways thing that can make me happy this.. Found $ 20 in my pocket and immediately bought something that was a really box! Delivered to the house, so I brought her a single Oreo baby that keeps at... Me happy this morning you get when you have a baby is you eat really weird food!
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